Into the Mountains

So wonder week is over, I have been introduced to more important people in theatre than I could have ever imagined, I have a deeper understanding of how theatre in New York works, and I am hungry for more. At exactly 8:45 in the morning we begin our descent into the mountains. It is a large 15 passenger van and somehow, by the grace of God, all 12 of us [Four directors, 6 out of 8 actors, plus Roger & Emily]with ALL of our bags managed to fit in. As we began our exodus for the city, bobbing and weaving in New York traffic, we began trying to break the ice by sharing tad-bits our lives hoping to find some connection. Right away I noticed that these weren’t just some actors that Roger had found on the streets but artist who had an invested interest and belief in the drama league. They all were actors who had been making a living acting and were excited about working with us. Several hours had passed and we were just making our way up the mountain. Our destination was just 20 minutes away and my mind began to wonder, “Am I ready?”
During the summer, Roger had informed us all of what our assignments would be. We all would be directing a scene from Chekhov’s Uncle Vanya, a pair of monologues – which the actors would choose – and finally a pitch. I read Uncle Vanya backwards and forward more times than I would care to admit, as well as numerous critiques of Chekhov’s work. The play that I had been given to pitch was John Ford’s Tis Pity She a Whore, where again I labored in researching the play as best I could. Hell, I hadn’t done this much work since I was in grad school. And yet, in spite of all the work I’d done, while just minutes away from the retreat, my heart was pounding, pumping fear & doubt throughout every vein in my body. We arrived. After a quick lunch and brief unpacking we found ourselves in the barn where we were introduced to Tim Vassen [Our master Director] and began the process of really getting to know each other. By the end of the day we had had our first rehearsal and first performance. Without a doubt, theses were no ordinary actors or at least not the type of actors I had become accustomed to working with. With each project I encountered, where I had to work with the actors, I got a better understanding of what a true collaboration between a Director and Actor SHOULD BE. So often I had worked with actors who’d come to the table saying “tell me what you” as apposed to “theses are some of the ideas I would like to try.” With every project I worked on, I experienced a feeling of give & take that I can hardly express in words. It was like being in the perfect relationship- fresh, new and exciting while at the same time safe, familiar and sublimely comfortable. This relationship made it so much easier for me to relax when dealing with Chekhov.
I had directed Chekhov’s, The Seagull before with a rather mediocre response and was worried that I might not do so well with Uncle Vanya. At our first rehearsal, we began as usual with table work and it was the easiest thing I had ever done in my life. We all knew what we were talking about and together we were pushing each other to a deeper understanding of the text. By the end of the first rehearsal, the actors were jumping out of their seats to start blocking. Over the course of the next few days, we moved in perfect syncopation. We had found the perfect location for the scene, The actors were vigorously learning the lines while at the same finding new discoveries within the text and all I had to do was get out of the way while providing the actors with the necessary tools to create the world of the scene. I felt as though I was Picasso, standing before a blank canvas – staring at it’s nakedness for hours before making the first stroke, being careful to listen to what it wants to be and not imposing my own pre -determined thoughts.
Finally, the time had come for the showing. Immediately, those feelings of fear and doubt return. “What if everyone sees my work and realizes that I can’t direct?” The story of The Emperor’s New Clothes was very present in my mind. One by one we presented our scenes and they all, including yours truly, were well received. Afterwards, there was a party where we all shared our thoughts with each other about the night of scenes.
I awoke the next morning with sense of accomplishment [ as well as a slight hang over] and was eager to get started on my first A.D. assignment. I walked away from this experience with a new and profound confidence in my abilities as a director. Yes, that voice of doubt will always be there – but it is my ability to over come it which will make me a great director. As we begin moving down the mountain the thirst for directing is growing more and more.